Month: November 2015

  • What Are You Called? – On Names

    I had an interesting revelation tonight about the Biblical habit of changing people’s names. You know what I’m talking about, Saul to Paul, Simon to Peter, Abram to Abraham, etc. I’ve always had a thought land mine buried in the back of my brain about why that practice seems to have stopped. After all, when I came to faith, or even came *back* to faith, Jesus didn’t send me an email telling me my name was now “Thomas” or anything.

    Source: http://gratisography.com/
    Source: http://gratisography.com/

    That’s one of those Biblical questions that crops up from time to time, but I never seem to make any particular headway on it, so I let it lie.

    Tonight, I had the pleasure of attending FOTP’s Man Church. Besides the ridiculously tasty smoked brisket, I heard a message on names. Specifically, the name we are all given when we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior – “son of God”. I’ve heard that before, as you likely have.

    However, what struck me was the idea that when these men’s names were changed, the new name had a meaning. Now, their old names also had meanings, of course. But the point is that their new names were titles, labels, descriptors of what these men would go on to do, on behalf of God.

    At least in American society, we don’t name people that way any more. Sure, names will be family names, or significant figures, but certainly the average boy in the US isn’t named “Great Father” (Abram) or “Jokester” (Jacob). Many are named Biblical names, but even then it is fairly rare, I believe, to pick the name based on the Biblical meaning, versus the Biblical figure the name represents.

    Which brings me back to my realization, if Jesus were sitting next to me right now (which I hope I’d 1) realize and 2) not be busily writing this!), He wouldn’t change my name to “One Who Writes Occasionally” or “Fun Father” – no one would take me seriously. So that’s why the renaming practice has died out, at least in the US. It may very well still take place in other parts of the world, and I may simply be showing my ignorance – if so, my apologies!

    So what, right? What really hit home for me tonight is that Jesus *has* given me new names, I just never thought of them that way. “Husband” then “Father”, many times “Friend”, at least once “Son”, certainly “son of God”, and now, as I am hesitantly embracing, “Writer”.

    In short, I had never thought of the new names handed out in the Bible as job descriptions, but they most certainly were! As I reflect on my life, I see my new names too. Each one represents a turning point in life, not necessarily an entirely new direction, but more likely a refinement of my trajectory, towards where ever God has designed me to go.

    In an interesting way, I have an easier time with the name of “Writer”. I have been struggling for a while with that title because writing comes easily to me. I’m sorry to anyone who reads my work and assumes it takes me hours and days of slaving over the keyboard – it doesn’t. I’ve written this in under an hour, even stopping in the middle to console an upset toddler – there’s that name again, “Father”, or as he calls me, “Daddy”.

    I am a writer. God has given me this talent, I know not why. But rather than feel guilty for having it, which is what I have been doing, I understand now that it is a gifting from God, and thus if I feel guilty about it, it should be because I am squandering it out of fear.

    I am a Writer.

  • Crapping Diamonds – Coping with Tension

    This morning I took on feeding the kids and prepping them for school, while Maria got ready so that she could attend a PTA meeting. I’m not looking for kudos, just laying the groundwork.

    My kids were, at best, jerks this morning. Samuel was up at 6:30, even before Olivia made it to the kitchen for breakfast. Mind you, Olivia’s school starts at 8, Samuel’s at 9, so this was *early* for him. Isaac came out around 7, probably in the best mood of the three.

    I got all three breakfast, and was starting on lunches when Maria came out. I was already tense at this point, juggling making their breakfasts with tending to their requests for more cereal, milk, a unicorn, Samuel making goat sounds, Olivia dancing in her chair, and Isaac wearing his (thankfully dry!) bowl as a hat.

    By 8:15, Maria has left to drop Olivia off and go to the PTA meeting. I’m cleaning up Isaac, and trying not to tell Samuel to go crawl in a hole and leave me be. I start up a video, and run through the shower.

    At 8:45, I’m dressed and ready, check Isaac’s diaper, comb hair, put shoes and socks on, and load up the boys. I get them both checked in, unloaded, and signed in to class by 9:10.

    And I am ready to crap diamonds, I am so tense. Maria makes this dance look easy, but I know the truth, that she works very hard to get all three kids up and out like this. Most of the time I am sheltered and simply have to worry about getting myself ready for work, and pitching in if there is a need. I am not used to this, and it takes a lot out of me.

    So as I pull into the driveway, I’m wracking my brain about how to blow off some of this tension. I want more than anything to gorge on sweets this morning – pop-tarts, candy, whatever – and eat my feelings. But I know, and have done that often enough, that it won’t actually help or make me feel any better. So I nix that idea.

    And that’s what led me to writing this. Writing is cathartic for me. And the hope that maybe someone else will see a little of themselves in this struggle, and choose to embrace their passion for a few minutes rather than some unhealthy means of dealing with their tension, makes this worthwhile. At this point, I’m tense, but markedly less so.

    I hope you read this, and it makes you smile. And if you are struggling with something today, you are welcome to steal my phrase, “crapping diamonds” to describe your level of stress!

  • Guilty Over My God-Given Gifts

    I had a good session with my life coach, Bonnie, today over lunch. We talked about a great many things, but there are a few that I am still chewing on…

    A loving God can love each human equally, yet not gift, empower, or emplace them equally. In other words, if you take what Jesus said literally, God does not build each and every human being with the same capacities for different aspects of life. The Bible is clear that different people have different gifts. Jesus said that we would always have poor people with us. Yes, some people are allowed to be born into horrible conditions, born with horrible conditions, or born with simply less capacity. I hate believing that, but the evidence is clear that is the case. I *want* a loving God to have built each and every human equally, by some measure. The US Constitution affirms that “all men are created equal”. Equal in the eyes of a loving God, but not equalLY.

    Part of the issue here is that, on some level, I associate earning potential with value in God’s eyes, which is a fallacy. God loves us all equally despite, and in some cases, in spite, of our earning potential.

    I’m hoping, although I’m going to do some more thinking, praying, and reading, but I’m hoping that God has created us all with an equal capacity to experience joy – that would help make my mental model work. Of course, God doesn’t need or care about the validity of my mental model, nor should he. Do I think some people are built to find joy faster or more easily, certainly. Can some people experience more joy than others – if they choose to. But I absolutely believe that God has placed a burden and a purpose on every person’s heart, and that working in and towards that produces joy. So in that regard, I believe we are all built with the same joy “potential”.

    What does any of this have to do with guilt? I’m glad you asked! One of the things Bonnie was pushing me on, is the fact that I feel guilty for using the gifts God has given me. As if I shouldn’t have them, or shouldn’t expose them to the world, for fear of hurting/embarrassing/making someone feel bad.

    Why?

    I have no idea, but I’m going to be chewing on that for a while. I can’t possibly imagine begrudging anyone using a God-given gift, except in the case that it highlights for me that I am not using my own gift of a similar nature. But even in that scenario, my issue is with my own choices, not theirs.

    Regardless, I feel guilty for being talented and gifted in the ways that I am.

    According to Bonnie, and I trust her wisdom, even if I’m loathe to accept it, the only guilt related to my Godly gifts should be not using them or sharing them with the world. Closely related would be thinking myself better than others who don’t share my gifts, which would be prideful, and I should feel guilty about.

    As I chewed on this stuff on my drive back home, I was brought face-to-face with the realization that I am afraid to embrace my true self. I am afraid of myself. Afraid of what unchaining myself might lead to. I can’t articulate a clear fear for letting myself run at full throttle, but I see that I fear it. I am afraid of my full potential. I don’t know why.