Chris.Gould.Is

Category: God

  • Submission

    [Author’s Note: Originally published on BlogOfManly.com on 11/13/2012]

    I really struggle with the idea of submission. The Christian language is littered with submission. To Christ. To your spouse. To others. To the government. When I came back to Christ as an adult, I really wrestled with the idea of submission. After all, I am a strong man, I don’t need to submit to anything! But I also understood that the whole point is to willingly choose His will over mine. So that left me with a dilemma – what does submission look like? The imagery that came to mind was slavery, having no say or free will. And I chafed at that idea! I’m certain that my negative imagery and dislike of the word “submission” had *nothing* to do with my struggle!

    So I tried a series of approaches. I begged God to take the steering wheel of my life, and nothing. I tried to march on my own without consulting God, trusting God to make my paths straight, and I crashed. I spent months praying about what it is supposed to look and feel like for me to submit. So finally God led me to understand what my surrender should look like, and at the same time He revealed a profound truth to me.

    The picture of submission God desires is of a knight swearing his allegiance and fealty to the King. The knight is strong and powerful in his own right. A warrior. But he is choosing, of his own free will, to swear his sword and his allegiance to this King. Why would he make this submission? Because he trusts and believes that what the King offers and provides greatly exceeds what he can gain on his own. Because he wants the power of the other knights who have also sworn to this King behind him as he rides into battle. And because he expects this King to reward him greatly for his loyalty and service.

    Now, this isn’t some sudden exclamation of fealty at seeing this King vanquish your king on the field of battle, although He has certainly done so. No, this is the intentional, daily choice of submitting your strength and sword to the service and will of the King. To obey, and perform both the mundane and the glorious. To serve, and be willing to submit, even to the point of death, for fulfillment of the King’s will.

    This picture really resonates with my heart! I love the idea of being a warrior, strong in my own right, but choosing to submit my will. I am not a slave. I am not a thrall. I have free will, and I am *choosing* where to submit my allegiance and obedience.

    In all honesty, this picture scares me too. After all, in order to be capable of this level of submission, even to the point of death, I have to be certain that this King to whom I submit is trustworthy and has my life and best interests at heart, at least so long as it doesn’t conflict with His own will. I don’t want to be sent to die unless it is absolutely necessary to do so to achieve the King’s will.

    Wait. Let’s be honest. I don’t want to be sent to die. At all.

    But I can’t avoid pledging my will to someone. If I pledge it to no one, I am pledging it to myself by default.

    And I already know I’m not the strongest knight, nor the most valiant warrior. I am strong and capable, but alone I will fall quickly if my foe is many or large. So I’d much rather have additional swords at my side. But the only way to have additional swords at my side is to either convince others to swear their allegiance to me, or to swear my own to another. Given my previous assertions about my own strength, convincing others to swear to me seems an unlikely prospect.

    The remaining answer is to pledge fealty to another. So I am left to choose a King whose heart is pure and loves me dearly.

    I am a fierce and mighty warrior. I am trained and gifted in the use of numerous worldly, fleshly weapons. I am a force to be reckoned with. I can do incredible things, in this world, with the strength and skills with which I am imbued. But none of it matters if I am slain on the battlefield by an opponent because I simply couldn’t continue to fight on my own. I know that I will stumble, be wounded, be weak, as I march along this path. But the victory of my cause is assured if I am fighting with a great host for a righteous cause.

    Does this all sound like a fantasy novel? Unfortunately in our society today, each man is considered to be his own god, so it is hard to point to a current picture of submission. But I hope the truth of this imagery resonates with you too. There are three important points in my description that I don’t want you to miss. First and foremost, you cannot avoid submitting your will to someone or something, even if that someone is yourself. Second, submission does not make you weak or less of a man, it is a choice made from a position of strength and courage. Third, God has many other knights to fight beside and with you, and to pick you up when you fall.

    Men, you too are mighty warriors. You need other warriors to fight with you – This is the only path to success, and ultimately eternal life. Submit to Jesus Christ, accept Him as your Lord and Savior, take up your weapons, and join our fight!

  • Conviction I – You Deserve Joy

    Conviction I – You Deserve Joy

    You deserve to enjoy life. Not the general “you”, but you specifically, reading these words right now. Not only do you deserve to enjoy life, but you deserve to enjoy it TODAY. I believe this, because I believe the Creator of the Universe built every single person to enjoy this life. And if the Creator built you for it, then you DESERVE it.

    You are imbued with meaning and value. And your value is not derived from what you can do, your social status, your body, your sense of humor, or any other external or transient feature.  Your value is intrinsic, because the God of all Creation loves you, personally. Individually.

    You are built with purpose. You add the most value to this world, and increase the joy others are able to experience, by living that purpose. Your value to God is in your very existence, but your value to this world is through the passions God embedded in your heart. You, living your passions, helps bring joy to, and empower others. Your passions, and thus you, are one of God’s many gifts to this world.

    You. Deserve. Joy.

     

  • Testifying to what I have witnessed

    Testifying to what I have witnessed

    [Author’s Note: This entry was originally published on 1/28/2013 on BlogOfManly.com]

    In the Old Testament, whenever God did an amazing act, an altar was erected to remind all future generations of God’s faithfulness and generosity. Today, I find it quite valuable to keep a record of the answered (and unanswered!) prayers and areas where I see God working in my life. I confess, I am not nearly as diligent at this practice as I’d like to be, but I do recognize the value.

    In keeping with the idea of building altars, I wanted to record some of the amazing things I have witnessed God doing in the life of my family in the last few months, so that I won’t forget them. And in the hopes that someone reading this might be interested in examining their own lives to see how God is at work.

    Back up a few months, and we see that my amazing wife, Maria, has completed her Master’s degree in Counseling. Oh yeah, and she gave birth to my two beautiful children during the process. To say I am proud of her would be a colossal understatement. Maria is an AMAZING woman!

    So several things happen when a newly minted counseling student graduates. First, student loans start coming due. Second, in order to be able to counsel legally, at least in the great state of Texas, the counselor must pass a comprehensive examination, find a supervisor, find a job, receive an intern’s license, and secure malpractice insurance.

    Keep in mind, we have two beautiful, but small, children. So we also need childcare. Do you hear a faint cash register as you read this list? If not, trust me, it adds up QUICK.

    Let me tell you how I have witnessed God in each of these situations.

    The student loans. A new *sizeable* monthly payment that started in January. But you know what else started in January? My new job, with a healthy pay raise, that covers the student loans entirely.

    The comprehensive exam? Keep in mind that Maria has been diligently working on this degree for 5 years, because of the kids, so she was understandably nervous about a COMPREHENSIVE exam. But she stepped up, told God that she recognized that she couldn’t possibly study enough to remember everything, and asked God to step in. And she nailed it, first try!

    Maria’s supervisor. Maria started looking in earnest this fall, because of the whole childcare issue. But she has a woman she worked with for her practicum who really liked her own supervisor. Maria calls, and the supervisor has one slot left. And her office is less than 15 minutes from my new office.

    A job. Maria calls the church where she did her practicum, hoping they might have a position open. Not only did they, but they were excited to get Maria started ASAP. No resume, no application, no job search.

    The license. The state of Texas Department of Health and Human services is not known for its expediency in processing license applications. I’m not here to bash them, as I’m certain they are all decent, hard-working people, who simply have a thankless job akin to a postal worker. They probably also get about as much appreciation. But applications are known to take 4-6 weeks, even if you start calling and making noise. So Maria meets with her new employer, they tell her they have clients ready as soon as she can get her license. Her application has been in for 3ish weeks at this point, and there has been no feedback. Maria calls, and they tell her they still have a few more weeks before it has to be finished. But the next day, lo and behold, her license shows up on their website. The NEXT day.

    Malpractice insurance? Application taken over fax, payment via credit card, coverage granted the SAME day.

    And the childcare? Olivia, our oldest, was on the waiting list for the mother’s day out program where Maria will be working. She made the cut *the week* before school started. Samuel, the youngest, was offered free care at our church’s mother’s day out program, if Maria volunteers in the church office.

    Pretty incredible, huh? But the crazy part is that the story isn’t over.

    So with Maria’s supervisor, Olivia’s care, increased expenses related to gas and car wear, and some lingering medical bills, we had once again exceeded our income. Two weeks ago, I am offered a part-time consulting position, paying a healthy hourly rate.

    But here’s where it gets really interesting. See, when you are sleep deprived for long period, you begin to think some pretty nutty things. Last night, Maria and I were praying about a third child. Asking God to not allow her to get pregnant if we couldn’t afford the bills. Long story, but insurance won’t cover the birth of another child.

    Tonight? We get a letter from Maria’s former employer offering a lump sum buy-out of her pension. Big enough to cover the costs of a child birth ENTIRELY.

    As you read through these things, do you find yourself thinking they must be coincidences? Because if you don’t want to believe in God, that is how this world would explain them. As a dear friend of mine once said, God is seen in the timing, as much or more than in the act. If God had parted the Red Sea with no one around, who would have cared? But it was when the Israelites needed it most that God chose to make the path through the waters.

    I can’t honestly say that any of these checks have God’s signature, but I can honestly say that for me and my family, these are definitive proofs of God’s provision and faithfulness to provide.

  • What I’m Listening To Right Now – Brown Bird, Bilgewater

     

    I wish I could articulate exactly what it is about this song that resonates with me right now, but I love it!

     

    The lyrics remind me that daily struggles serve a purpose, with a refrain like this:

    if the sun was always shining and our load always light
    we’d be shaking like a leaf with every God given night
    and we’d break under the weight of any pressure
    that was ever applied

    The struggle of feeling no relief is definitely an emotion I deal with regularly:

    when everyday is like a war
    you find no strength from your usual source
    there’s no peace, there’s no rest
    your fortitude is feeling put to the test

     

    This may not be your style of music, but I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

  • Is God Disappointed With You?

    Is God Disappointed With You?

    No, God is not disappointed with you.

    Sorry if you were hoping I was going to tell you that He is.

    If you have a moment, I’d like to explain why I’m confident He is not disappointed with you…

    I had a mentor once, many years ago now, who really challenged a great many of my preconceived notions of who God is. I wish I had recordings of many of our conversations, because I am still in awe of his wisdom. This particular entry stems from some wisdom he laid on me once, that has become a bedrock for me on this journey.

    Ever get frustrated with yourself because you know what you should be doing, and you just don’t seem to have the willpower to *actually* do it? I’m willing to bet that the majority of people feel this way from time to time, if not more often. That’s where I found myself late yesterday evening, whining and nursing the emotional wound of having spent a whole day not doing what I knew I needed to do. To be fair, I have some serious pressure to get some work done, which is what I was focused on. And my “need to do” was write, which doesn’t pay the bills – at least not yet! I was whining to a good buddy, a fellow journeyman on this road to purpose. We were commiserating on how painful it is to get to the end of the day, and know in your heart that you didn’t do the one thing you should have done.

    Even worse than knowing you didn’t do what you were supposed to, is the nagging guilt of having disappointed God. After all, He put this calling my heart, right? So if I don’t do what I’m supposed to, I’m disobeying and disappointing the Almighty God?

    Ever find yourself wondering how long an all-loving God can really tolerate your crap? [tweetthis]Ever find yourself wondering how long an all-loving God can really tolerate your crap?[/tweetthis] If I had a nickel for every time that thought crossed my brain, writing wouldn’t need to pay the bills!

    Wondering what happened to my mentor’s wisdom in the midst of all this whining and bellyaching? Yeah, me too – its coming, I promise!

    So that’s where I found myself, moping about what a failure at life I am, at least thankful to have a buddy to share my grief. He lovingly told me he was going to kick my ass for beating myself up so hard. And he’s right, I’m not a failure at life – but my standard for myself is perfection, so everything feels like a failure. But his verbal jolt to my pity party reminded me of my mentor’s wisdom. I was in a similar mopey, down on myself mood, and my mentor hit me with this:

    God is not disappointed with you. God will never love you and more or less than He does right now. God wants better for you than you are choosing today, but He loves you just the same. God knows that the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. God knows that, because He built us that way, and He wrote it!

    My mentor was absolutely correct, of course. The Bible is clear about the whole spirit willing, flesh weak thing. So the next time you find yourself down on yourself, remember this wisdom: God is not disappointed with you.

  • Rest as a Novelty or a Rule

    Rest as a Novelty or a Rule

    I had a random thought the other day, that I felt compelled to share with you, dear reader! Clearly I am fixated on the ideas of margin and rest right now, so this topic won’t come as too much of a shock. To cut to the chase, here’s the idea: what if the idea of a day of rest, a Sabbath, is actually contrary to man’s inherent sin nature? And if so, what if the observation of a day of rest actually enables and enhances productivity and health?

    In short, what if God’s command to keep a Sabbath wasn’t simply to provide the Israelite nation a day of rest, but was actually a way to make them more prosperous?

    Did I blow your mind a little? I keep wrestling with the idea, and it is both fascinating, and tragically beautiful.

    Fascinating, because today when I hear talk of the Sabbath, it is always an ethereal, almost euphemistic reference to taking some random time to rest. In my journey back to God over the last few years, I’ve been struck more and more with how God’s commands aren’t simply good ideas or novel concepts, but actually belie a physical law in this world. So what if the Sabbath is no different – a command trying to illuminate an actual, physical principle of human existence, expressed to a group of people without a sufficient understanding of the human form to appreciate the truth.

    Do I always explain to my children the nuances of the rules I set? No, because often their grasp of physics and cause and effect is too limited to understand. So instead I make a rule, attempting to protect them from themselves. Certainly the Bible is rife with examples of this principle – what if the Sabbath command is no different? What if God’s original design for man is to rest for a full day once each week?

    Does that sound intimidating? It certainly makes me run to the comfort of the New Covenant!

    Tragically beautiful though, because I do not believe God designed man to work, to “do” incessantly. I believe our workaholic nature is a sin based behavior. But God knew our capacity for it, as He designed us this way. And then God gave a law to His people to try and help and protect them from the sin of over work, because they couldn’t understand the whole truth. God always loves us enough to save us from ourselves.

    So this is all well and good, and a fun mental exercise, but where’s the proof? First, in my own experience, I have seen how taking a rest can lead to increased productivity. How taking a day to have a mental break results in renewed strength and endurance. On a personal level, there is no doubt that this rule exists.

    However, science hasn’t discounted the idea either. As the New York Times, Entrepreneur, and Scientific American note, rest is critical to productivity. That’s great about rest, but what about the Sabbath angle? Here is a paper documenting a study into prosperity in rural China based on the growth of Christianity!

    Now, let me be careful here. Christianity is certainly not Judaism. And simply observing the Sabbath doesn’t magically turn me into Donald Trump. That’s not my point. My point is simply the question, what if the command to observe the Sabbath was God trying to help the Israelites overcome their own sin nature so that they could prosper?

  • But Why?

    [Author’s Note: This entry was originally published on 8/27/2012 on BlogOfManly.com]

    My daughter is a beautiful little girl. Sadly, she has an ugly habit that drives my wife, Maria, and I to near tears at times. No amount of admonishment or threat of punishment stems the flow of this vile behavior, especially when she is tired or in a mood. At times, it is enough to make me scream!

    So what is this terrible habit that a 3 and a half year old has that could possibly be so skull-crushing? Why, she insists on asking “why?”

    Let’s be very clear, she isn’t asking because she really wants to understand better. For instance, yesterday, Olivia and I were preparing to go to the store for groceries. Her video had finished and I was finishing up balancing our checkbook. She asks me to start another video, to which I respond “No, we are about to leave for the store.” Her predictable response? “But wwwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyy!?!”

    Although I don’t think my daughter has a hearing problem, I am certain she has a listening problem. I’m also pretty sure she isn’t really curious as to my rationale for not starting another video. Truth be told, if she didn’t throw such a fit when we have to stop a video in the middle, I WOULD start another.

    It is a sad irony to me that Maria and I once opined that Olivia seemed late in starting the “why” phase, and actually worried about it!

    Let me pause and say that Olivia is a wonderful little girl. Frighteningly smart, but very courteous, sweet, and loving. She is very rules oriented, and, for the most part, easy to parent. And I adore her. This rant is starting to sound like she is a brat, but alas, she is simply 3 and a half years old. If you have or have had a 3 and a half year old, you know exactly what I am talking about.

    So this morning, at 4:36 am, my son screams. He apparently likes to do this between 3:00 and 5:00 am virtually every day. I’m not sure why, because if I was, I WOULD HAVE ALREADY FIXED IT. But let me just say how much Maria and I enjoy this particular alarm with no snooze button.

    Maria and I get out of bed, and I agree to change his diaper while she will feed and get him back to sleep – the far more daunting task, to be sure. I change his diaper, and return to bed, but I am loathe to go back to sleep for fear she will need something and I won’t hear her. Since this painfully early alarm has been happening for a while, our process has evolved such that neither sleeps until the boy does, in case the other needs help.

    So I say a quick prayer, telling God that I know He is in control and that this serves His purposes, but could He please help me understand why we are continuing to fight this battle with Samuel? I begin reading on my phone, first email, then Facebook, then a daily devotional, ooh a new email, and then I open up iBooks. I recently read Francis Chan’sForgotten God, which I loved. So I started to read Chan’s book,  Crazy Love. In the middle of the first chapter, God thumps my gourd again.

    Could it be your arrogance that makes you think God owes you an explanation? – Francis Chan, Crazy Love, Chapter 1

    Yeah. Snap.

    And God kindly brought to mind my frustration earlier with Olivia asking why I wouldn’t turn on another video. I don’t know why we are still fighting with Samuel to sleep through the night, despite his being 10 and a half months old. And I know that it is ok for me to ask God why. But it is awfully arrogant to expect Him to explain it to me. And for me to pout because God won’t give me my way.

    When Olivia asks me why, I will generally try to explain it to her. But many times I marvel at how to summarize all I have learned about the world, and all that I believe about how to manage her health and development, in a manner that her 3 and a half year old mind can possible comprehend. But I can only imagine it is the same for our God – He created the entire universe, including our very bodies! He is timeless and unchanging. How can He possibly simplify what He knows and why He is allowing something to happen to someone who has only been alive and aware for 31 years?

    God knows there are times I get so angry at what is happening, like Samuel not sleeping, and, in these instances, I demand answers from God. Just as I know Olivia gets mad and frustrated when she doesn’t get her way. But God’s thoughts are not my thoughts, and His mind is not knowable by my mind. I know God knows and wants what is best for me, as I hope Olivia has the same trust in Maria and I. But clearly I forget or ignore that trust in times of trial.

    So where are you in the level of trust you place in your Creator? Do you count it all joy when you face trials? Do you take comfort in knowing that the same God who created and controls everything loves you enough to have His own Son killed in order to be able to reach you? Yes, God is either permitting or causing your current circumstances. But He is only choosing for you what you would choose, if you only know what He knows.

  • The Characters

    I tend to use people’s names in my posts without much explanation or context, so I wanted to provide a quick reference to who plays what role in my life story.

    Maria – my lovely wife! My champion, cheerleader, sparring partner, and best friend. I could fill this page with sweet words to describe my wife, but you’d all stop reading before you got to the next person. Suffice it to say that I love Maria more than my own life.

    Bonnie – my life coach of 5+ years, at the time of this writing. Bonnie has been an incredible resource on my journey, and has been instrumental in helping me grow.

    Olivia, Samuel, and Isaac – my three beautiful children. They will certainly appear from time to time, as they have taught me more about myself and God than probably anyone else on this planet!