I struggle with the idea of self-care. Not the concept – people need to take care of themselves, I get that. But the idea of self-care actually applying to me.
As if somehow I am actually immune to the need to be cared for.
Sounds dumb when you say it out loud, right?
In truth, in the last few years, I have started to understand that I too have needs that deserve to be met. Bonnie has been really hammering me on working as hard as I do to provide for my family, but never taking any of the time or money to enjoy myself. I live most days with so much on my to-do list that taking time for myself seems selfish.
Selfish. That’s the struggle for me with the idea of self-care for myself, that I am being selfish by taking care of myself.
On an airplane, in case of an emergency, they always tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before trying to put masks on your children – this is a very extreme form of self-care. However, taking care of yourself before you children in an emergency makes sense, because you won’t be capable of helping your children if you are incapacitated.
My pastor likes to say that “you can’t help someone drowning if you can’t swim”.
All of this really came home to roost for me the other day.
As you may know, I’ve been blessed to be able to work from home 3 days a week. This last school year, all three of my kids were in some form of school (public or mother’s day out), at least 2 of my 3 days home.
As the school year has been drawing to a close, Maria has had more to do with the school and the PTA, and I’ve been doing more around the house to support Maria.
The other day, I held down the breakfast and lunches fort for all three kids, and made breakfast for Maria and I, while Maria got ready for the day. Five hot breakfasts and three lunches is a lot of work in a short period, and I give Maria immense credit for doing it on a regular basis.
By the time it was all said and done, it was just after 9 am, and I walked straight into work. I didn’t even stop to brush my teeth!
I hoped right into trying to get moving on my ever growing to-do list, and felt like I was stuck in quick sand. I made virtually no progress.
Even worse, later that morning, I realized I was in a huge funk, I had no motivation, and I was in a FOUL mood.
Reaching a point of realizing I wasn’t doing anything productive, I decided to take a shower and stew on why I was in such a foul mood.
As the warm water rained down and I got lost in watching the seemingly random paths of droplets down the glass, I realized why my mood stank. Because I felt like I wasn’t a priority. That I didn’t matter. I had busted my rump for my whole family, and not really done anything for myself.
Having to take care of the whole family one morning, in and of itself, is not a huge request. Â I enjoy cooking, and I enjoy the time with my kids.
But as my muscles began to unwind in the warmth, I realized that this particular morning was simply one of many mornings in the past few months, where I left myself the dregs of my own time and energy.
In the mornings before work, I like to spend a few minutes praying. If I get into my office early enough, sometimes I write or read too. Ideally, I prefer to have showered and gotten dressed (t-shirt and shorts is DRESSED, thank you) before I start my work day.
But the worst is when I haven’t yet brushed my teeth. Generally this happens because I’m working on multiple cups of coffee, and it seems silly to brush your teeth in the middle. But when I get to a late lunch and realize I still haven’t stopped to brush, I’ve done the day wrong.
I was also marveling at how I’d never had an episode like this when I had to be in the office on a daily basis. Sure, I also wasn’t making so many meals in the mornings, but there was something else – I’d never go into the office without showering, brushing my teeth, and getting dressed. In fact, on the days I do go into the office, I tend to feel more confident and self-assured because I have dressed, showered, shaved, and brushed my teeth.
This all seems pretty obvious, right?
And yet, I was surprised. I honestly had not realized how something so simple as taking the 3 minutes to brush your teeth, could influence your mood and outlook so dramatically for the balance of the day!
Thankfully, school is out now, and so the pressure of the mornings has dwindled some. I wish I could say that I’m better at taking time for me, but I’d simply be lying to both of us. The circumstances have changed, for now.
But, I am doing better at seeing when I am feeling like I am not a priority to myself, and while that is only part of the equation, it is the first step.
What are you doing on a regular basis to make yourself a priority?
