Chris.Gould.Is

Blog

  • Sacrificing for My Kids

    Sacrificing for My Kids

    This weekend, I spent roughly 10-12 hours building a base for my son’s slot car race track. Now, before you go shopping for “Dad of the Year” awards for me, please know that we bought him this track 10 months ago for his last birthday. He’s been able to play with it probably 4 times since then.

    The problem is that the track itself is flimsy, and doesn’t hold together on its own. Thus, it has to be set up and taken down by an adult. The purpose of this project, was to build a base and mount the track to it, such that it could be safely left in a child’s room… and reasonably expect it not to be in pieces and broken within minutes!

    So, the whole thing started with a rough plan, some measurements, and some raw materials. Then slowly, with Maria keeping the kids at bay, it transformed into the base, and eventually the mounted track. And the kids LOVE it!

    I really enjoyed this project, once it was done. In the middle, it was plagued with frustration, disappointment, setbacks, rethinking, and all the other stages projects go through. The header image is the one casualty I suffered and also how I felt about the project when I finished the last test!

    But the smiles and laughter of my kids playing with it, knowing it was not going to be easily broken, made it all worth while.

    I love doing for others. I love working with my hands. I love my efforts bringing my kids joy. This project, as frustrating as it was, scratched all of those itches. And now that it is finished, it feels GREAT.

    What projects have you worked on recently, that have brought you joy?

  • Flipping Like a Fool!

    Flipping Like a Fool!

    Celebrating my youngest son’s birthday, we went to a local trampoline park. And I did what any grown man who felt entitled to play like a kid would do – I jumped! And I *loved* it! It was awesome! And Exhausting! But AWESOME!

    And here’s me doing something I have probably never done before, flipping off a trampoline into the blocks!

    Here’s me doing the “Dad 4 Block Challenge”

    I enjoyed this trip so much, I wanted to share it with all of you!

    Where have you found joy this week?

  • Where is the Joy

    Where is the Joy

    I’ve been struggling the last few days. Since Thursday night, to be clear. I was sitting on the couch, idly skimming twitter, when the first reports of the shooting began rolling in. For the next three hours, I couldn’t do much but continually refresh the feed for the #dallasshooting hashtag. I was transfixed. Horrified.

    I live in Fort Worth. I work in Dallas. I have an in-law who is a Dallas Police Officer. This was frighteningly close to home. The fear was palpable, even from 30 miles away.

    Mentally I ran through a whole range of thoughts. Fears about taking my children out of the house ever again. Wondering how in the world someone could reach a place, mentally, where shooting police officers seemed like the right choice. Hoping my in-law was safe. Thinking the whole thing was frighteningly well executed – someone knew what they were doing.

    And of course, the good and bad on twitter and Facebook. The vilification and clearing of Mark Hughes. Reprehensible people praising the shooter. Outpourings of love and support for the DPD, DART Officers, and the city of Dallas. Celebrities and Politicians ringing in token statements of prayer and support.

    I didn’t sleep particularly well on Thursday night – or Friday morning, when I finally went to bed.

    When I woke up on Friday, I was in quite a funk. I just kept asking myself how I could go about my daily life as if nothing was wrong in the world. I’d check twitter, and see the normally cheery traffic, ads, and humor, interspersed with updates about the shooting and the aftermath. I couldn’t process the disconnect.

    Maria was really worried about me, I’m normally a positive mood kinda guy, and I was low. I was numb. I hated the dichotomy in my own heart of wanting to go through the day as usual, and thinking I should be feeling grief and sadness.

    The thought that kept echoing in my brain was how I, as someone who believes their purpose is to teach how to find joy, can hope to teach anyone to find joy in a world such as this.

     

     

     

    I did finally find an answer, by the way.

    Playing with my kids, who had no idea what had happened, I was reminded that this whole world is a study in people trying to find joy amidst the pain and suffering. I’d have no purpose, if there was no suffering. Sure, this horrific attack was really close to home for me personally, but for much of the country, and certainly the world, this attack was terrible in the intellectual sense only. Much like 9/11, which I still remember vividly, while shocking and frightening, had no personal impact to me. I didn’t know anyone killed in the twin towers or Pentagon.

    Yes, the attack was tragic, horrific, and reprehensible. Yes, good men and women were injured and killed, by a coward. Yes, their families are forever wounded. But, those men and women were doing something they believed in, something bigger than themselves – protecting and defending the citizens. Those who paid the ultimate price did so so that citizens *could* go home and back to their daily lives.

    My mission has not changed, to help men find joy in their daily lives. Whether their lives have been relatively easy and painless, or marked and stained by incredible pain and suffering, every man is still capable of experiencing joy. And thus, no matter how close to home a tragedy hits, my call is the same.

  • Busy As Hell

    Busy As Hell

    Ever used that phrase? A coworker of mine used it today to describe his weekend. I was struck with the irony inherent in that statement. Let me try and tease it out for you. “Hell” is a word generally considered a bad place, a place of punishment, and in general, not where you want to be. “Busy” describes the state of one’s world – lots of activity, constant demands on one’s time, and at the extreme, barely controlled chaos. “As” is a comparison, likening the predecessor to whatever follows.

    Thus, when taken together, “busy as hell” literally means that being busy is akin to being tortured and punished. Ever thought of it that way? I bet you, like me, are thinking that this seems so obvious, yet you’ve never seen it in that direction.

    I’m not going to decry busyness – I haven’t published a blog entry in over a month! I’d be the worst kind of hypocrite to preach against busyness. But, I see the damage it has caused in my own life of late.

    If you have school aged children, you probably understand that the last few weeks has been nutty, with all sorts of end-of-year activities. Maria also serves in the PTA and was a room mother, so that’s at least double the normal insanity. And my work has been demanding more of my time as well, simply serving to compound the matter. Toss in a couple of illnesses through my family, and viola! a month goes by without a blog post.

    But the problem runs deeper than that. Once again, I’m reminded that when I start to feeling insecure about something, I double-down on my commitments and work. I’m still very much a work in progress in this regard!

    So what is the point of all of this? If nothing else, a small apology for having disappeared. I don’t think anyone is waiting with baited breath for my published word, but having a blog and an email list is an unwritten (sort of) contract with you, the reader, that I have not been faithful to. I’m not going to be so foolish as to make a promise that this won’t happen again – after all, the beginning of the school year is looming. Instead, I am simply asking you, my beloved reader, for a measure of grace.

  • Five Pepper Baby Back Ribs

    Five Pepper Baby Back Ribs

    If you follow my cooking long enough, you’ll figure out that what I cook tends to follow closely with whatever is on sale at the store – I consider my cooking style to be “Foodie Frugal”. This recipe is no different. We were going to have some friends over, and baby back ribs were on sale. I’ve never cooked ribs before, so I thought I’d give it a go. My goal was to make smokey, slightly spicy ribs, with a rich brown sugar crust – so tasty they wouldn’t need any BBQ sauce.  This is what I came up with, please enjoy!

    Five Pepper Baby Back Ribs

    Prep Time: 45 minutes

    Cook Time: 4 hours

    Ingredients:

    • 4 lbs. Baby Back Ribs
    • 2 Fresh Jalapenos
    • Spice Rub (see below)
    • 4 tablespoons Bourbon (one tablespoon per rack of ribs)

    Directions:

    1. Prep 4 sheets of aluminum foil (one per rack), roughly 18″-24″ long. Turn up the edges to hold the bourbon.
    2. Pour a tablespoon (roughly, accuracy here isn’t critical!) of bourbon on each foil pan.
    3. Pre-heat oven to 275 degrees
    4. Remove the pith and seeds of the jalapenos, and cut into one inch squares
    5. Remove tough membrane on the underside of the ribs (I used paper towels to help pull it)
    6. Cut each rack of ribs in half, which makes it easier to wrap them up
    7. Rub the inside of the jalapeno slices over all of the meat and bones
    8. Place a few of the used jalapeno slices on each foil pan
    9. Rub the spice rub on all of the meat, really pressing the rub into the meat
    10. Place two half racks of ribs on each foil pan, bone ends touching, trying to keep the width as even as possible.
    11. Pour any remaining rub on the tops of the ribs
    12. Seal the foil packets, and place in a baking pan (I lined our pan, because I hate scrubbing pans!)
    13. Bake at 275 degrees for 3.5 hours
    14. Bask in the incredible aroma. Open the windows and torture your neighbors.
    15. Remove ribs and let them rest, leaving the foil packets sealed.
    16. At this point, you could refrigerate them, and finish them on the grill in another day or two, if you wanted.
    17. Heat grill to a medium high heat
    18. Sear ribs over medium high heat for 7-10 minutes per side. The ribs are fully cooked already, so the goal is simply to infuse some smoke flavor, and give the rub and meat a good crust
    19. Enjoy!

    Spice Rub

    Ingredients:

    You’ll find I tend to go by feel on seasonings, so these measurements are all approximate – adjust as you see fit!

    • 1/3 cup Kosher Salt
    • 1 teaspoon fine ground black pepper
    • 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
    • 1/2 teaspoon chili powder
    • 1 teaspoon garlic powder
    • 1/4 teaspoon ginger
    • 1/2 teaspoon ground mustard
    • 1/2 teaspoon ground red pepper
    • 2 teaspoons smoked paprika (I *love* this seasoning!)
    • 1/2 teaspoon ground sage
    • 2 tablespoons light brown sugar (I used some muscovado, only because it was handy)

    Mix all seasonings together. I use a sandwich bag, as you’ll see in the pictures.

    Final Verdict:

    Flavor:

    As I mentioned in my apology entry, the rub was too salty for my taste. If you love salt, those proportions might be right for you. I don’t care for much salt, so to me, the salt here overpowered most of the seasonings. When I do these next, I’ll be cutting way back on the salt, probably 2 tablespoons, and leave everything else roughly the same. The meat was actually spicy all by itself, presumably because of the jalapeno rub, and I really enjoyed that aspect. Overall, I achieved my goal of well seasoned ribs that didn’t need sauce. Not bad for a first try!

    Aroma:

    Heavenly. Unbelievable. Ridiculous.

    I don’t use words like that to describe much of what I do in this life, but they are justified. The combination of spice, brown sugar, and bourbon, for 3+ hours, was intoxicating. I ran to the store while they were baking, and when I got home, I was in awe. I’d do the ribs again this way, just to have the house smell like that again!

    Texture:

    Ridiculously tender. Literally fell off the bones cleanly. A little dried out, and next time I will probably do a few minutes less on the grill. But for me, who *hates* eating meat on bones because I get food in my beard, these ribs were *PERFECT*. Low and slow in the oven was definitely the right approach here.

    Overall:

    Not perfect, but very very good. Definitely worth doing again, with a few minor tweaks.

    Let me know how these turn out for you!

  • Swing for the Fences

    Swing for the Fences

    I’m not big into sports. I’ll watch the occasional football game. I keep up with NASCAR because I’m in a fantasy league and get to go out to the races on my employer’s dime. But basketball? Baseball? Even hockey? Not really.

    But today, I realized that I have a professional level, maybe even an Olympic level gifting… at batting away compliments. If there was an Olympic category – in the summer Olympics, of course – for how far and fast you can bat away compliments, I’d set world records and win golds at a blistering pace! I’d wager good money that few in this world can compete at my level!

    So, I made some ribs and fresh green beans for dinner for some friends over the weekend. I’ve never made ribs before, but I had in my mind a vision of ribs so divine, people would mistake their serving and the accompanying host of angels for the second coming! Because, of course, having never made them before, they would be epic!

    The green beans are a problem for me. My recipe is based around my mother’s, whose are AMAZING. And yet, I can’t seem to quite achieve the same intensity of flavor that she coaxes out of them. I’ve watched her, numerous times, hoping to see the secret I’ve missed, but I just don’t see it.

    Anyway, I worked hard on these ribs. Slow cooked them for hours. The smell in our house was, quite literally, intoxicating. By the time it was time to finish them on the grill, I was convinced I had achieved baby back rib nirvana.

    We sit down to eat, say a quick grace, and I dig in. Normally I’m the type of cook who wants to wait until everyone else has tried the food, because I don’t want to miss their responses. This time, I dig right in – partially because I skipped lunch! Immediately, my heart sinks. The green beans? Not perfect. The ribs? Ridiculously tender, but the rub is too salty. I immediately start running down the food. I’m not sure anyone else had even gotten through their first bite!

    Needless to say, the compliments were few, and half-hearted. And today? I find myself dejected and heavy-hearted, feeling my affirmation tank is bone dry. It was incredibly rude of me to cut off my friends’ desire to compliment my cooking. Was the food AMAZEBALLS? No. Was it better than good? Yes, I do believe it was. Was I a jerk? Absolutely.

    So now the fun question, why? Why did I bat at those compliments like Babe Ruth swinging for the fences? My own insecurities. Because the food didn’t live up to the level of perfection I had imagined and convinced myself it should, to me that made the food crap. And by running it down immediately, I was removing any pressure my friends felt to compliment me on sub-par food. See what I did there? “Sub-par” as if it was below expectation, and not worthy. Would my friends pay me false praise? I don’t believe they are that kind of friends. Did anyone agree with my denigrations? Not really – half-heartedly, at best.

    Yet again, I am reminded that there is no room for grace or mercy in my world, towards myself. Jon Acuff talks about the spot between good and perfect called “awesome”, and I really resonate with that idea. And yet when I hit somewhere between good and awesome, on my FIRST EVER ATTEMPT AT RIBS, I refuse to take any pride of affirmation from that. And then I cut off my friends at the knees when they try to affirm my work!

    I’m sorry, my friends, for inviting you to a meal I worked hard to provide, that may not have been transcendent in execution but was still solid, and then rendering your opinions moot and making it clear that I didn’t want to hear them. I’ll make it up to you with another meal sometime soon?

  • Conviction II – You Are Passionate

    Conviction II – You Are Passionate

    You are built with certain passions embedded within your heart and soul. By passions, I mean those facets of our shared human experience that tug at your heart or enrage your soul to a far greater degree than those around you. Those “tugs” will lead you to discover your passions, which are ultimately the signposts to your purpose.

    Many people assume a passion has to be creative or artistic, but that simply isn’t true. You don’t find evidence of passion only where you find great art, but instead any work of greatness, is a sign of passion. Everyone has different passions, and passions come in an endless array of configurations. Not everyone will understand or “get” your passion – this reality is unavoidable. You must press on towards your passions, despite the friction of doing so!

    Your purpose in this world is found by exploring your passions.  You experience the most joy in life, when you are following the passions with which you are built. (According to Thesaurus.com, “joy” is a synonym for “passion”!) Thus, you will enjoy your life the most when you pursue your passions!

     

    What is your passion?

     

  • Conviction I – You Deserve Joy

    Conviction I – You Deserve Joy

    You deserve to enjoy life. Not the general “you”, but you specifically, reading these words right now. Not only do you deserve to enjoy life, but you deserve to enjoy it TODAY. I believe this, because I believe the Creator of the Universe built every single person to enjoy this life. And if the Creator built you for it, then you DESERVE it.

    You are imbued with meaning and value. And your value is not derived from what you can do, your social status, your body, your sense of humor, or any other external or transient feature.  Your value is intrinsic, because the God of all Creation loves you, personally. Individually.

    You are built with purpose. You add the most value to this world, and increase the joy others are able to experience, by living that purpose. Your value to God is in your very existence, but your value to this world is through the passions God embedded in your heart. You, living your passions, helps bring joy to, and empower others. Your passions, and thus you, are one of God’s many gifts to this world.

    You. Deserve. Joy.

     

  • Testifying to what I have witnessed

    Testifying to what I have witnessed

    [Author’s Note: This entry was originally published on 1/28/2013 on BlogOfManly.com]

    In the Old Testament, whenever God did an amazing act, an altar was erected to remind all future generations of God’s faithfulness and generosity. Today, I find it quite valuable to keep a record of the answered (and unanswered!) prayers and areas where I see God working in my life. I confess, I am not nearly as diligent at this practice as I’d like to be, but I do recognize the value.

    In keeping with the idea of building altars, I wanted to record some of the amazing things I have witnessed God doing in the life of my family in the last few months, so that I won’t forget them. And in the hopes that someone reading this might be interested in examining their own lives to see how God is at work.

    Back up a few months, and we see that my amazing wife, Maria, has completed her Master’s degree in Counseling. Oh yeah, and she gave birth to my two beautiful children during the process. To say I am proud of her would be a colossal understatement. Maria is an AMAZING woman!

    So several things happen when a newly minted counseling student graduates. First, student loans start coming due. Second, in order to be able to counsel legally, at least in the great state of Texas, the counselor must pass a comprehensive examination, find a supervisor, find a job, receive an intern’s license, and secure malpractice insurance.

    Keep in mind, we have two beautiful, but small, children. So we also need childcare. Do you hear a faint cash register as you read this list? If not, trust me, it adds up QUICK.

    Let me tell you how I have witnessed God in each of these situations.

    The student loans. A new *sizeable* monthly payment that started in January. But you know what else started in January? My new job, with a healthy pay raise, that covers the student loans entirely.

    The comprehensive exam? Keep in mind that Maria has been diligently working on this degree for 5 years, because of the kids, so she was understandably nervous about a COMPREHENSIVE exam. But she stepped up, told God that she recognized that she couldn’t possibly study enough to remember everything, and asked God to step in. And she nailed it, first try!

    Maria’s supervisor. Maria started looking in earnest this fall, because of the whole childcare issue. But she has a woman she worked with for her practicum who really liked her own supervisor. Maria calls, and the supervisor has one slot left. And her office is less than 15 minutes from my new office.

    A job. Maria calls the church where she did her practicum, hoping they might have a position open. Not only did they, but they were excited to get Maria started ASAP. No resume, no application, no job search.

    The license. The state of Texas Department of Health and Human services is not known for its expediency in processing license applications. I’m not here to bash them, as I’m certain they are all decent, hard-working people, who simply have a thankless job akin to a postal worker. They probably also get about as much appreciation. But applications are known to take 4-6 weeks, even if you start calling and making noise. So Maria meets with her new employer, they tell her they have clients ready as soon as she can get her license. Her application has been in for 3ish weeks at this point, and there has been no feedback. Maria calls, and they tell her they still have a few more weeks before it has to be finished. But the next day, lo and behold, her license shows up on their website. The NEXT day.

    Malpractice insurance? Application taken over fax, payment via credit card, coverage granted the SAME day.

    And the childcare? Olivia, our oldest, was on the waiting list for the mother’s day out program where Maria will be working. She made the cut *the week* before school started. Samuel, the youngest, was offered free care at our church’s mother’s day out program, if Maria volunteers in the church office.

    Pretty incredible, huh? But the crazy part is that the story isn’t over.

    So with Maria’s supervisor, Olivia’s care, increased expenses related to gas and car wear, and some lingering medical bills, we had once again exceeded our income. Two weeks ago, I am offered a part-time consulting position, paying a healthy hourly rate.

    But here’s where it gets really interesting. See, when you are sleep deprived for long period, you begin to think some pretty nutty things. Last night, Maria and I were praying about a third child. Asking God to not allow her to get pregnant if we couldn’t afford the bills. Long story, but insurance won’t cover the birth of another child.

    Tonight? We get a letter from Maria’s former employer offering a lump sum buy-out of her pension. Big enough to cover the costs of a child birth ENTIRELY.

    As you read through these things, do you find yourself thinking they must be coincidences? Because if you don’t want to believe in God, that is how this world would explain them. As a dear friend of mine once said, God is seen in the timing, as much or more than in the act. If God had parted the Red Sea with no one around, who would have cared? But it was when the Israelites needed it most that God chose to make the path through the waters.

    I can’t honestly say that any of these checks have God’s signature, but I can honestly say that for me and my family, these are definitive proofs of God’s provision and faithfulness to provide.

  • 35 Years

    35 Years

    Ten days ago, I turned 35 years old. Not surprisingly, I found myself to be in a contemplative mood in the days leading up to my birthday. Because most of my dear readers are close friends and family, likely you will not be surprised at my age.

    But I am. I am surprised to find myself 35 years old. Certainly, I remember many milestones along the last 12,784 days of my life – the birth of my three children, my wedding (bits and pieces!), finishing college, graduating high school, and on and on. However, when I try to add up my memories, the sum seems to fall far short of 35 years.

    I’m sure that is the way of it, the greater the distance from the events, the fewer events are retained. Regardless, 35 years old still seems like a mystical age I remember talking about, in my twenties, as being an eternity away!

    In my last session with Bonnie, as we were discussing my recent realizations about how I think about money, Bonnie asked me how I define success. I didn’t have a good answer.

    I told Bonnie that I don’t want to ever consider myself successful, because that seems final. I want to lay on my deathbed (see? painfully contemplative of late!), look back at my life, and decide I lived a successful life. But today, I don’t want to have arrived at that particular destination.

    Instead, I want to be satisfied. Content.

    Now if you’re hoping that I am going to lay out some excellent, detailed, scriptural definition of “content” for you, I’m sorry, I’m fresh out. Frankly, I suck at being content. I even suck at my own birthday!

    For the majority of my life, my snap answer would be that I am not content or satisfied with any of it. There is so much about my world I want to improve, fix, change, and the like!

    My definition of “content” is that I am satisfied with every aspect of my life. Clearly, my definition of “content” is unattainable and a picture of perfection. Interestingly, I understand that “content” is supposed to mean an intermediate state, but that’s not how I think of “content.” “Content” doesn’t mean finished, satisfied, happy even! Yet when I ask myself whether I am “content”, all I see is all the areas I want to improve.

    Part of our pastor’s sermon, the weekend prior to my birthday, was on being content. Pastor Bill described being content as “wanting what you already have.” I’ve decided to adopt this definition, because it makes sense to me. I want to be content, I recognize the value and importance of being content. I just have to learn how!

    I’m fighting the urge to give you a detailed run-down of my life, and a “content / non content” status for each, based on this new definition. In fact, if you’d like me to detail that, please let me know in the comments. But for now, I’m going to assume that my recent introspection is sufficient for you.

    The truth is that I am largely content with my life today – using this revised definition of “content.” Are there areas I’m working on and hoping to improve? Absolutely. Are there areas I feel I am killing? A few. Does my life today looked like what I imagined 35 would look like, at 18 or 21? I don’t think so, but honestly I didn’t have much of a plan past college, career, and marriage! Excepting kids, which I was firmly convinced I did NOT want. I am so thankful to have changed my mind!

    I have been incredibly privileged to have the opportunities and the work ethic to accomplish many things, experience many things, and enjoy many things. I lead a good life.

    In fact, I actually want most, if not all, of the aspects of my life today. The areas that I am not satisfied with, I am working on, for the most part, and I recognize the value of the journey. Thankfully there are only a few areas of both discontent and lack of effort – and I have plans to work on those, when I have time. In short, I’m not completely satisfied, but I am content with my place, progress, and plans to improve

    I’d be lying if I said I am excited to have turned 35, but as I mark this milestone, I am incredibly thankful for the life I lead, and excited about the journey ahead. Thank you for taking part of this journey with me!