[Author’s Note: This entry was originally published on 9/14/2012 on BlogOfManly.com]
Much like Josh [Chief Editor of BlogOfManly.com], I love the conversations and healthy debates we have behind the scenes on different topics. As iron sharpens iron, so too one man sharpens another.
I actually agree with Josh completely on the distinction of hero and role-model. And on the need for a distinct hero class. Where I believe we actually differ is on the universality of a person’s designation as a hero, and on what defines a hero.
What I mean is that what defines a hero for you, depending on the context, may not translate into being a hero for me. If you tell me about an amazing man who took a bullet for you, I’d quickly agree that his actions were heroic, but he would not necessarily be *my* hero.You might have watched your neighbor rescue a cat from your tree for a little boy – your neighbor is that boy’s hero, but to you simply a good neighbor. A hero is an elite status that can only be conferred by a man to another human who has made a dramatic impact on his life.
To be clear, I do believe that there are a class of actions, generally characterized as being selfless, sacrificial, and dangerous, that are universally recognized as being heroic. In fact, I believe that in each of our hearts is a special decoder of sorts that resonates with those behaviors when we witness them. But that doesn’t make your hero my hero.
The genesis of this conversation, as Josh mentioned, was the reboot of the Hall of Heroes section of BoM. I expressed that I didn’t really have a hero in the “took a bullet, pulled from a burning building, saved my life sense.” I’ve lived a very safe and quiet existence, and in this particular context, I am quite thankful for that. But I do have people who have given of themselves and dramatically impacted my life, that I would consider my heroes, despite them not having done anything dangerous on my behalf.
But this begs the question, am I simply lowering the bar because I have never been in a situation to need a “true” hero? Perhaps. Or perhaps, given that the designation of hero is a personal choice, I am free to view whomever I see fit as my hero.
I do want to take a moment, and talk about a third class of people called idols. In fact, I would call Josh’s taking guitar lessons to try and be like whatever rock star an idolization, not a hero. Because in my mind, for another person to be my hero, they have to have made a personal impact in my life. It is possible that Josh had a life changing interaction with his idol – I don’t know (but if you have a story or pictures, let’s talk!).
See, I think it is very important to recognize the distinction between actions and position, behavior and title. I can act in ways that are universally heroic, but if it ultimately doesn’t impact anyone else’s life, I am not a hero. Conversely, if I happen to be in the right place at the right time, even if I am simply doing my job, but someone’s life is impacted, I might just be their hero. Is a firefighter a hero simply for choosing his profession, or only once he has actually saved someone from a burning building?
To me, a hero is someone who gives of themselves selflessly for the needs of someone else. Certainly anyone who has ever given their life for another fits this description. In my mind every firefighter, police officer, soldier, sailor, marine, and airman is a hero, because they are choosing to put their very lives on the line for another, namely me. And you.
So all of those men and women are heroes, in my opinion. And I know a share of each of those. I mean none of them any disrespect, because I am incredibly grateful for their service and sacrifice, but none of them really feels like *my* hero.
And that, I contend, is the crux of where Josh and I differ on the topic of heroes. Yes, I can write about great men and women who have risked incredibly, and even made the ultimate sacrifice, for the good of another, and you would be encouraged, challenged, and strengthened for hearing their stories. But they would not become *your* hero. And in fact, the actions I describe that make them heroic to me, might not even sound heroic to you. Because a hero is a personal designation.
So the stories you read of the deeds of my and other men’s heroes may not impress you as heroic, but they have had an impact on our lives. Their actions, however mundane or extraordinary, have marked our hearts and minds. I am not saying every man is a hero, but every man has the potential to leave an indelible mark on the life of another.
Boys have heroes. Men have heroes. Our society names men and women heroes based on their actions. But being a hero to someone is not a status akin to a college degree, dictated by some agreed to standards, nor a Nobel Prize, awarded by a committee. Instead, being a hero to someone is a special designation of relationship between two individuals. But a hero is not necessarily a role model, although they are not mutually exclusive. A hero is not necessarily someone we want to become, which is the purpose of a role model, but instead simply someone we are thankful to have had touch our life in some incredible way.