[Author’s Note: This entry originally appeared on the BlogOfManly.com on 11/22/2013]
Temporality. As in, having to do with time. I have a strange relationship with time, perhaps you do as well. When I am enjoying myself, time is fleeting. When I am bored or trudging through some task, time can’t possible move fast enough. I am fairly confident this is the common human condition – I am not alone in experiencing time not as a perfectly straight line, as science suggests, but instead as the ebb and flow of a river.
However, temporality has taken on a completely new meaning for me of late. My wife gave birth to our third child not too long ago. I am incredibly thankful that my new son has proven to be a easy-going child who even sleeps fairly well at night. If you have never had children, trust me, that is nothing short of a miracle. But not every day, or night, is easy and restful – make no mistake. At this point, once a week or so, our baby will decide to not go to sleep until close to midnight, and then wake up once or twice during the night for more food or comfort. Waking up, crawling out of bed, and then attempting to be productive at work, feels like a Herculean task. If you’ve had kids, you likely know *exactly* what I mean.
What is different this time, though, is my attitude and perspective on time. Especially so with our first child, every rough day feels like it will never end. As you lie awake in bed, trying to convince yourself to get up and away from the warmth and coziness, a subtle fear surfaces – will I ever feel well rested again? And with that fear, a hopelessness. Hopeless that you will ever get back to full productivity at work. Hopeless you will ever have sex with your wife again. Hopeless that you will survive this whole fatherhood ordeal. I’ve been there. With our first two, it was sometimes for weeks at a time! But now, I recognize something I intellectually knew but didn’t accept before – that all of this is temporary.
My eldest child is almost 5 years old now. 5! Standing in the time of her infancy and looking forward, reaching this point seemed to be an eternity away. Looking back now, the time has passed in what feels like a blink of the eye. I have memories of the last almost 5 years, but they seem dreamlike.
I can’t definitively say that you, as a young father, will ever feel rested again – I know I haven’t. But I can say with absolutely certainty that the most irritating advice from grandparents and parents of older kids, that you should enjoy this time (as if!) because it will pass quickly, is correct. That particular adage is not comforting in the least when you are in that time, but it is true.
By now, those of you without kids, or no plans to have kids, are wondering what any of this has to do with you. The reality that I am now beginning to appreciate is that *everything* is temporary. Working for that boss who is horrible? Will be over before you know it. Buried in debt and trying to budget and save your way out? You’ll be debt free sooner than you think.
Let me be very clear – I am not saying everything will work out for you. That in the long run you will be successful, happy, etc. I certainly have no power to predict that for myself, let alone for you. But here is what I do know – whatever you are struggling with today will be different tomorrow. The battle you are fighting that seems endless and hopeless WILL end, somewhere along the continuum of victory and defeat, but it will end. The time of joy and peace you are currently experiencing? It too will change. It may or may not end, but one thing is for certain – nothing ever stays the same.
I know you know this, intellectually. But here is my challenge to you: get to know this truth at a deeper, heart level. The more you press into this truth about the temporality of all things in this world, the easier it is to face your struggles head-on – because you know they will change. Something will give; life will move on. And the easier it becomes for you to appreciate the temporality of all things, the easier it becomes to live in the moment and not worry about tomorrow – because tomorrow will have worries of its own.