Facing My Fears About Writing

So I bought a course to help me write my book, appropriately called “Finish Your Damn Book”. The first exercise in the course is to make a listing of your fears about writing the book, and then the truth of the situation. Since it felt so reminiscent of Bonnie’s forcing me to examine the truth of the situation, I thought I’d capture it here.

Fear: I don’t have enough time to write a book.

Fact: There is as much time as I am willing to make a priority of my writing. Now that school is out for the summer, I should be able to spend some time in the mornings writing before I start my day, now that I don’t need to help get a child to school. In fact, I have made myself a promise to finish this book this summer, because I know when school starts it will be difficult to find the time again.

Ironically, I started this post a week ago, and this is the first time I have come back to working on this, or any writing in general. So I’m sucking at this thus far!

Fear: I don’t have enough experience to write this book.

Fact: I don’t have enough experience to write this book, all from my own experience. However, I can draw on numerous resources through interviews and surveys to back up my experiences and ideas.

Fear: No one wants to read my book.

Fact: The few people who know about it have expressed interest in reading it. But more importantly, I want to write it, regardless of whether there is a huge audience for it.

Fear: I won’t make any money from the sales of this book.

Fact: I think this may be the real fear underpinning the previous fear, but regardless, I don’t need the money. I have an excellent job that meets my family’s needs and most of our wants. And I have a God who has promised to provide for me and my family, so my life’s trajectory will not be altered in the least if I never make a penny from this book.

Fear: The book will be wildly successful.

Fact: It might be. But the success or failure of the book doesn’t have to have any bearing on my life. I have ultimate control over whether I allow any success from the book to impact my life, and the lives of my family.

Fear: Building an audience feels sleazy.

Fact: No one can be helped by the book if they never know it exists. Building an audience can be done above board, with pure opt-ins, and not leveraging friends to do so. However, helping others with the book requires letting them know it exists. I think this fear actually speaks to a deep-seated personality trait of mine where I want people to notice and appreciate my work without my having to draw their attention to it.

Fear: I won’t finish the book.

Fact: Whether or not I finish the book is ultimately my choice. I have several strong supporters, most notably my wife. There is no reason I won’t finish the book, excepting my own choice not to do so.

Fear: I am afraid I will be humiliated

Fact: I shouldn’t be deriving my self-worth from the opinions of others. Assuming the book finds an audience, some people will fall on all parts of the spectrum, and thus some will fall into the “hate it” category. So what. Their opinion of me does not change the reality of who I am.

Fear: What makes me qualified to write a book?

Fact: Not a damn thing. You believe God has given you a gift for writing, and communicating, and has placed a burden in the form of a passion helping men find joy, so God has said you are a writer.

Fear: I don’t take my writing seriously.

Fact: That fear is also a statement of fact. I choose not to believe in myself or take my writing seriously.

Fear: I don’t prioritize my writing.

Fact: Also a statement of fact. I don’t believe in my ability to write this book, or write at all. Nor do I consider my desire to do so as a valid expenditure of my time.

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At the end of all of this, what I see really is an overwhelming unwillingness to believe in both the value and personal importance of my writing. I need to understand better why my own enjoyment, in this case enjoyment in the act of creation through writing, is not allowed to be a priority in my world.