[Author’s Note: This entry was originally published on 8/27/2012 on BlogOfManly.com]
My daughter is a beautiful little girl. Sadly, she has an ugly habit that drives my wife, Maria, and I to near tears at times. No amount of admonishment or threat of punishment stems the flow of this vile behavior, especially when she is tired or in a mood. At times, it is enough to make me scream!
So what is this terrible habit that a 3 and a half year old has that could possibly be so skull-crushing? Why, she insists on asking “why?”
Let’s be very clear, she isn’t asking because she really wants to understand better. For instance, yesterday, Olivia and I were preparing to go to the store for groceries. Her video had finished and I was finishing up balancing our checkbook. She asks me to start another video, to which I respond “No, we are about to leave for the store.” Her predictable response? “But wwwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyy!?!”
Although I don’t think my daughter has a hearing problem, I am certain she has a listening problem. I’m also pretty sure she isn’t really curious as to my rationale for not starting another video. Truth be told, if she didn’t throw such a fit when we have to stop a video in the middle, I WOULD start another.
It is a sad irony to me that Maria and I once opined that Olivia seemed late in starting the “why” phase, and actually worried about it!
Let me pause and say that Olivia is a wonderful little girl. Frighteningly smart, but very courteous, sweet, and loving. She is very rules oriented, and, for the most part, easy to parent. And I adore her. This rant is starting to sound like she is a brat, but alas, she is simply 3 and a half years old. If you have or have had a 3 and a half year old, you know exactly what I am talking about.
So this morning, at 4:36 am, my son screams. He apparently likes to do this between 3:00 and 5:00 am virtually every day. I’m not sure why, because if I was, I WOULD HAVE ALREADY FIXED IT. But let me just say how much Maria and I enjoy this particular alarm with no snooze button.
Maria and I get out of bed, and I agree to change his diaper while she will feed and get him back to sleep – the far more daunting task, to be sure. I change his diaper, and return to bed, but I am loathe to go back to sleep for fear she will need something and I won’t hear her. Since this painfully early alarm has been happening for a while, our process has evolved such that neither sleeps until the boy does, in case the other needs help.
So I say a quick prayer, telling God that I know He is in control and that this serves His purposes, but could He please help me understand why we are continuing to fight this battle with Samuel? I begin reading on my phone, first email, then Facebook, then a daily devotional, ooh a new email, and then I open up iBooks. I recently read Francis Chan’sForgotten God, which I loved. So I started to read Chan’s book, Crazy Love. In the middle of the first chapter, God thumps my gourd again.
Could it be your arrogance that makes you think God owes you an explanation? – Francis Chan, Crazy Love, Chapter 1
Yeah. Snap.
And God kindly brought to mind my frustration earlier with Olivia asking why I wouldn’t turn on another video. I don’t know why we are still fighting with Samuel to sleep through the night, despite his being 10 and a half months old. And I know that it is ok for me to ask God why. But it is awfully arrogant to expect Him to explain it to me. And for me to pout because God won’t give me my way.
When Olivia asks me why, I will generally try to explain it to her. But many times I marvel at how to summarize all I have learned about the world, and all that I believe about how to manage her health and development, in a manner that her 3 and a half year old mind can possible comprehend. But I can only imagine it is the same for our God – He created the entire universe, including our very bodies! He is timeless and unchanging. How can He possibly simplify what He knows and why He is allowing something to happen to someone who has only been alive and aware for 31 years?
God knows there are times I get so angry at what is happening, like Samuel not sleeping, and, in these instances, I demand answers from God. Just as I know Olivia gets mad and frustrated when she doesn’t get her way. But God’s thoughts are not my thoughts, and His mind is not knowable by my mind. I know God knows and wants what is best for me, as I hope Olivia has the same trust in Maria and I. But clearly I forget or ignore that trust in times of trial.
So where are you in the level of trust you place in your Creator? Do you count it all joy when you face trials? Do you take comfort in knowing that the same God who created and controls everything loves you enough to have His own Son killed in order to be able to reach you? Yes, God is either permitting or causing your current circumstances. But He is only choosing for you what you would choose, if you only know what He knows.